LittleMan and I were on our way to pick up BoopaLoop from pre-school on Friday when LittleMan made this announcement.
LittleMan - I don't want to get married.
Me - Well... that's a good thing since you are too young to be married. You're only 6.
LittleMan - [Exasperated] Nooo, mom. I mean even when I get old and grow'd up. I don't want to be married.
Me - [Not that concerned about his announcement, but I was curious] Oh. Why?
LittleMan - I don't want to yell at someone all the time.
Me - [?!?!?!?!?!] Uh... [!?!?!?!?!?!] Do you think Mommy and Daddy yell all the time?
LittleMan - [Distracted] Yeah...
Me - Really?! [!?!?!?!?!?!?]
LittleMan - [Returning his focus to me] Uh... [thinking about it] well, my friend Andrew said that he didn't want to get married since his parents yell all the time.
Me - [Oh boy!] Well, you have heard Mommy and Daddy argue before, right?
LittleMan - Yeah.
Me - But we always say we are sorry and that we love each other afterwards, right?
LittleMan - [Grinning] Yeah.
Me - [Grinning back] Well, when people who love each other live together arguing is part of it, but you learn how to argue to not hurt each other but to talk about your differences.
LittleMan - [Getting bored] Yeah...
I definitely lost him at this point in the conversation, but it got me thinking about My Mukor and I. Yes, we argue, kiss, laugh, play and all other manner of things in front of the kids, but I was paranoid that we were showing too much disagreement in front of them. I couldn't imagine that we were, but I felt like we were on notice.
The other question is do I tell Andrew's mom what LittleMan said? If it were reversed, would I want to know? I'd like to think that the answer to question two is a resounding YES, but...
Should I tell her?
Oh, by the way, I just now asked LittleMan again about marriage:
Me - Do you still feel like Mommy and Daddy yell all the time?
LittleMan - Yeah.
Me - [WOW - this is brutal] When was the last time you heard us yell?
LittleMan - It was a while ago, but I still don't want to get married.
Me - When Mommy and Daddy argue, how would you like us to fix it?
LittleMan - Well, maybe you can go in a pattern.
Me - [??]
LittleMan - You know, you say a grievance-es and then Daddy.
Me - Huh, that's a good idea, honey. I'll talk to Daddy about it.
7 comments:
Okay, just for the record: I believe that most of the yelling comes from Mommy and is directed at Daddy. To be fair, though, he sometimes deserves it.
My Mukor: HA HA! I think Mommy just yells in general, and Little Man sees Daddy as receiving the brunt of it. Look, you knew what you were getting into, love.
WOW...aren't you glad he is in school now? Not only does he get what his peers are saying but also what his teachers are telling them...grievances! You are right...you are on notice...lol. If the friends mother is one of your friends, I guess I would tell her. If she is not...No, I would not mention it. Mom
This is a message from Mars, where males come from: Sometimes it is best to give the obvious, simple, easy-to-understand, reassuring explanation.
"Getting angry and yelling is what humans do sometimes. It isn't nice or happy, but it helps everybody to understand what the other person is upset about.
"Both people feel crummy
for a while, but then they say they are sorry and are careful not to do whatever upset the other person in the first place.
"So it is a lesson. We all keep getting lessons. That is how living and loving works."
Mom: Yeah, he's learning all kinds of relationship issues thanks to school. I'm not necessarily worried about this as long as My Mukor and I continue to have fun conversations about these things.
Don: INCOMING FROM VENUS... Thank you for translation... STOP... Will remember to communicate in the local dialect from now on... STOP
I see why you like Don and his family so much...lol MOM
Don's philosophy has changed over the 37+ years we have been married. Issues weren't a big deal, one sentence to address them and that was all I got. Drove me up a wall. Now, we are quite good at arguing, and that is different than fighting. Arguing is presenting your side of an issue. Fighting is...something else. We don't go there. And I have to say I think the arguing is a healthy thing. He just doesn't want to belabor the point. And to be fair to him, sometimes I do, but I know he does when he is feeling righteous! So explaining arguing might be more what Little Man needs to hear, but I don't know if he's ready for that kind of hair splitting.
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