Tuesday, June 9, 2009

How Not To Cook - Chicken with Rice

MamaDB and I were talking about our video today, and we have a new idea for showcasing our mad cooking skillz. We were going to do it this week, but I deleted the video before we could make changes. That's how I roll - when I'm done with you, I DELETE!

So until I learn to not be such a spaz with the delete button, I give you the following How Not To Cook recipe.

Source: Food Network.com

Serves: 8
  • 4 c(ups) Pineapple Juice
  • 6 cloves Garlic (chopped)
  • 2 small Red Chile Peppers w/Seeds (finely chopped)
  • 2 c Cilantro Leaves (chopped)
  • 1 c Brown Sugar
  • 1 c Soy Sauce
  • 4 T(ablespoons) Ginger Root (peeled and chopped)
  • 2 t(easpoons) Ground Cumin
  • 2 T Olive Oil
  • 1 3 1/2lb - 4 lb Roasted Chicken (giblets and neck removed for another use)
  • 2 T Butter
  • 4 cloves Garlic (finely chopped)
  • 2 T Ginger Root (peeled and chopped)
  • 1/2 c Cilantro Leaves (packed and chopped)
  • 1 t Ground Cumin
  • 4 T Soy Sauce
  • 1/2 c Heavy Whipping Cream
  • 1 T Lime Juice
  • 1 T Pineapple Juice
  • 6 c Jasmine Rice (prepared according to package instructions)

Step 1: Mix pineapple juice, garlic, peppers, cilantro, brown sugar, soy sauce, ginger root, cumin, and olive oil well in large bowl. Reserve some of marinade for basting.

Step 2: Rinse and pat dry chicken. Add chicken to bowl, turn and baste several times, cover and refrigerate at least 12-24 hours, turning chicken and basting occasionally.

Step 3: (To Prepare Sauce) a) Melt butter in 10-12 inch saute pan until sizzling. Add garlic, ginger root, cilantro, and cumin and saute for about 4 minutes or until fragrant.
b) Add soy sauce and cook for 2 minutes, stirring frequently. c) Add whipping cream and cook until slightly reduced or sauce coats the back of spoon (about 5 minutes). d) Remove from heat and stir in lime and pineapple juices.
*NOTE* Can be made 2 days ahead - cover and refrigerate. Warm the sauce before serving.

Step 4: Preheat oven to 450-degrees. Remove chicken from marinade and place in roasting pan, just large enough to accommodate chicken. Tuck wings under chicken and baste with marinade.

Step 5: Place in preheated oven and roast for 15 minutes. Turn heat down to 350-degrees and continue to roast for an additional 50 minutes, basting occasionally or until an instant-read meat thermometer registers 180 degrees inserted into thickest part of thigh.

Step 6: Prepare the jasmine rice according to package instructions during the last 30 minutes of roasting.

Step 7: Remove chicken from oven, cover loosely with foil and let rest for 10-15 minutes before slicing.

Step 8: Serve slices of chicken over a bed or cooked rice with cilantro cream sauce drizzled over the breasts.

I'd like to dedicate this video to my Facebook friends who believed that MamaDB was somehow teaching me how to cook. I don't think a stranger could be paid enough money to deal with my ineptitude, but MamaDB has to since our children love each other. I love you, MamaDB!

Let's review:

1. Using chicken breasts instead of a whole chicken works if you allow at least 4 hours to marinate.

2. When looking for a recipe on the Internet, it would be wise to read the preparation steps as well as the ingredients needed, so you will anticipate marinating for 12-24 hours.

3. Just because a recipe is obtained off the Internet doesn't automatically mean it was posted by a 65-year old man posing as an 18-year old girl.

4. Sometimes you need to allow the friend who is EXTREMELY dangerous with knives another chance at cutting vegetables.

5. If you consider yourself the safe one to handle knives, you really shouldn't get on video the fact that you tried to grate your finger. I'm just saying...

6. If something in the recipe doesn't make sense, chances are you didn't read it correctly.

7. The correct pronounciation of a spice isn't required as long as you put the correct spice in.

8. Organic produce looks ugly. Again, I'm just saying...

9. Never malign the hostess's dinner, especially if she's weilding a knife, unless you have a back up plan.

10. It isn't necessary to rinse an entire bundle of cilantro if you are only going to use a fraction of it.

11. Cilantro is an ingredient meant to eaten, not to be admired for its colorful quality.

12. It is much easier to measure out the precise amount of cilantro if people stop taking the measuring cup away in the middle of measuring. Once again, I'm just saying...

13. Never try to take a knife out of the hands of a mad woman.

14. Mad women, assistant cooks are easily appeased by the idea of poking food.

15. If you have an incompetent mad woman assistant, chances are you will burn the butter.

16. The cream sauce is so delicious, I wish we had made 3x the amount, but that probably would have been unhealthy.

17. Following the time frame outlined in the recipe is infinitely more reliable than listening to the mad woman assistant.

18. The "mouth test" for determining the size to cut vegetables is reliable but awfully slow going.

19. Never ask the mad woman assistant any technical questions like, "Does this liquid look reduced?" No good can come from it.

20. Karate isn't a bad skill to have - just in case mad woman assistant decides to go crazy with her knife.


All Things BD said...

Dude. It's CUE-min, not CUH-min. You're killing me.

soggibottom said...

How about the rice without the chicken!
Doesn't have meat in it does it?

Anonymous said...

I'm a newbie cook and I like how your videos don't intimidate the hell out of me like say, those crazy contestants on Top Chef who make an amazing meal out of seaweed, garlic and peanut butter.

Why do I watch those shows? All it does is convince me that eating a loaf of french bread and some green olives DOES count as a good, wholesome meal.

Now if only I could get my boyfriend to agree with me on that I'd be SET.

Can you How Not to Cook some more pasta? Or anything else that involves you cuting something in a weird way that makes all us viewers cringe and wait for the follow up blog "MY evening in the er". I like those videos.

Mama DB said...

Cue-min, right? I told her...

This turned out pretty good, I especially like that the sauce reminded me of CPK's Chicken Tequila Fettuccine! Yum. I also used the leftover chicken in a couple of dishes the two nights afterwards.

Yeah, you had to include the part when I thought the camera was actually off and grated the ginger and my finger. Nice. ;)